I never thought this would actually happen in my life.

I actually cooked dinner for myself. As in, cooking that was not prompted by someone's birthday or a social gathering. Stove time that was over 30 minutes. Two burners. (TWO BURNERS!)

I am kind of lame, as you may know, the most cooking I ever do is noodles, noodles, rice and noodles. So cooking actual poultry with, you know, liquid stuff that turns into a real actual glaze is pretty big news.

Chicken with a soy sauce, mirin & ginger glaze on a bed of (you guessed it!) noodles:



Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "Geez! Chicken & pasta and a glass of orange juice for dinner? That sure does sound delicious but where are the fucking vegetables?!" Well, I will have you know that while cooking I ate eighteen thousand pounds of sliced cucumber with chunks of cheddar cheese. This is because cucumber & cheddar is perhaps the most delicious combination EVER.

"THUMB PRINTS"

This was seen on the "community" "bulletin" "board" "above" the "mail" "boxes" in my "building".

Now for something far more delicious, the almond semolina cake I made for book club on Sunday:

I feel a little ridiculous calling it a cake because that seems to imply far more work than this actually required. But the interwebs calls it cake so it is cake!

And now what you really came here for! (It's okay that it's for the cookies and not for me, don't feel bad. But don't feel too good, I'm not that well adjusted.)
Shortbread thumb print cookies with tripleberry preserves in the center and semisweet chocolate drizzled on top. I am 8000% certain I say this every single week but I am not entirely sure about these cookies. Blah blah blah. It doesn't matter. People will eat them. Hopefully a couple of bucks will be donated. Next week will come and I will make new cookies I am not sure about. It is like the circle of life except my dad is not a dead lion.

Melanie's Birthday Fest.

Why hello there!

Perhaps, at this very moment, you are saying to yourself, "Geez, whatsherface's birthday fest is this evening and I don't have but a spare 45 minutes. That's certainly not enough time to bake a cake. I wish there was something I could do!"


WISH GRANTED.

May I present to you: The 'I Didn't Have Time To Bake' Cake

Multiple tiers of awesomeness. Peanut butter cups & Reese's pieces. Too Delicious.

Aerial View!!!


So there.

Happy birthday last Wednesday Melanie!!!

BRINNER!!!

I feel like I must tell you about something I truly, deeply love. That thing is BRINNER!

The only thing that could make this meal any better would be a tiny ribbon of ketchup on that egg white omelet. I feel like this is one of my most Midwestern moments. Eggs & Ketchup & Cinnamon Raisin Bread. Brinner is a beautiful thing. It is also deliciously unhealthy. Well, not entirely unhealthy. Just look at that orange juice! No scurvy for me!


Also, Melanie's idea of making a lobster cookie spectacular for Cookie Tuesday today proved to be a most excellent one. The tablescape was wicked pissah!

Do you feel like you are totally in the ocean right now? I KNOW.



P.S. I take back everything I said about my brinner (except for the scurvy part). I added too much pepper to my omelet and now feel like vomit. Brinner could be a wonderful thing. It should be a wonderful thing. I am just complete garbage when it comes to cooking.

Peace out yo! I've got waffle batter to beat!

Mr. Sanding Sugar S. Lobster, Esquire.

These are slightly deformed lobster sugar cookies. The cookie cutter is entirely adorable and wonderful but, of course, when you bake stuff it's shape changes slightly. These turned into mermaids with 'roid arms or perhaps someone with a billowy shirt on singing one of those jesus tunes like they show on the Time Life CD commercials.

Deformed or not these are pretty tasty. For sugar cookies.

I am going to create an entirely wonderful tablescape tomorrow!!!! I washed off some shells, rocks and beach glass which I will bring in for around the cookie tray. Also, Melanie suggested I print off some oceanic views to lay around the table. Basically it will be our vacation in delicious cookie form!!!

Here are my shells being cleansed:



Also, I will share this with you:
Rolled out cookie dough feels awesome under a floured hand. If you are a person who is similar to me, at least.


One last thing:

No Kitchen Sinks Were Harmed.

Well, only a few kitchen sinks were harmed in the making of these Kitchen Sink Cookies. But, to be fair, they were fucking jerks and had it coming.


I am optimistic about these cookies. Oatmeal, semisweet chocolate chips, dried cranberries and dried blueberries = delicious. FACT.